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College Essay Workshop

Added Sep 15, 2014 • Share this video

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Having trouble with your college essay? Missed Mrs. Rudder's essay workshop?Check out this video to help you through the process!

Show Transcript

I bet this is your college essay Workshop while I'm going to be talking about the two you see prompt the strategies that I'm going to discuss will work for any college essay so the first question that you're probably asking yourself is why why do I have to write an essay here is the answer in Stick Figure form so right now to the colleges you're applying your that stick figure and you're going to send in your application and will give him a lot information so they'll see your GPA they'll know that you had an average SAT score and that you played soccer and that you are tell Scout not you babysat and you played flute and that you were in that one play and that you are on homecoming Court so you're just this stick figure they get hundreds perhaps even thousands of applications that say similar things that give them similar statistics the opportunity for you to get them to know you so it's worth it so things you want to think about when writing your essay things to prompt your discussion first you wanted to death not range so they already have all that information collected now you want to choose one or two key things about you and really explore them and instead of trying to cover everything turn in your application  things to prompt that could be think about what a college should know about you what are you bringing to that college that makes you what do you like about yourself what are your teachers like about you what are your parents and your friends like about you those are the same sorts of things that make you stand out right you know that there's something essentially different about you you know that you are not just your grades you are not just your after school activity so what are you try to capture that for the college they can't meet all of their applicants but they can get a little sampling of their applicants nowadays and values in their essays so just back me up the University of California has this statement I think on their website and look at how much they're emphasizing that they want to get to know you it's a personal statement they want to find out about you your whoops Ambitions life experiences Inspirations they want you to be open and reflective and they want to hear your individual voice right the way you write will you look at the world that's going to tell them about the person you are they're going to finally get insights into you as an individual rather than US participate so this goes pacifically for the UC essays however again the strategies we discuss will cover any essay but for you to see you get to promise that you're supposed to answer in a total of a thousand words so obviously you can do 500 500 because too have to Total a thousand on the shortest recommended essays 250 you don't want to go any shorter than that which would leave an essay with 750 words atoms that could make sense for you if for one of the prompts you have something that's more important to talk about but you don't want to do anything more extreme than that ratio here's the first prompt describe the world you come from for example your family community or school and tell us how your world has shaped MC Innovations  first off it says for example that means that this is a really open-ended question perhaps if you think about the world you come from maybe you think about your church Community or maybe you think about a global Society on your world you don't have to stick to the three key ideas they give you also noticed the or that's because they weren't you to focus they don't want an overview of everything in your life they don't want you to talk about how many siblings you have and then talk about fishing Montgomery and then talk about your soccer team they want you to find one key thing and going deaf  hey man how how is key word here so it's not simply about discussing your world for some reason I get lots of essays about people's fathers and what times they end up being like an Ode to my dad and the whole 500 words are describing their dad and how great their. Is they don't really care about your dad they care about you they want to know how your dad being such a great guy made you the person you are so that's the key part of this essay not just about your world is going to end up being about you so kind of sentence structures to consider are my work on the varsity basketball team showed me that my parents divorce forced me to realize experience going to Junior High with only two other students taught me I'm so it's always going to return back to and then when it returns to its going to be about your dreams and aspirations so it's all to mately about you that's what they want to about and they're looking for how you've formed your dreams and aspirations either because of or spider of your world and in telling them your dreams and aspirations you're going to tell them something much more Central to you than your grades extracurriculars  okay here's prompts to tell us about a personal quality Talent accomplishment contribution or experience that is important to you what about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are  so when I see a list like that the first thing I think is for sorry if I were going to answer this prompt I'd make a column with each of these a personal quality call him a talent call him and then I just list stuff stop myself maybe take a couple days for it and then I Would by no means try to cover all of that because I would break the first rule review range rather than death but then maybe I might say best personal quality right here my ability to empathize nice with others is really important to me I think that's essential to me and I had this experience the one time that I was chosen as a Kairos leader that I think really showcases that there's my essay  and then again it's that is important to you so the folk sign you as my example and it's because I read quite a few essays on fire can we have pie Roastery trees and talk about the format of the Retreats and the number of severe unless those details are essential to the story about you don't include them they're not starting a retreat program they want to find out about you and then you're going to talk about what makes you proud so this is going to show what you value again it's going back to you if you're discussing the time that you were elected to homecoming for it'll show that you value interpersonal relationships and making y Pierce feel loved and included I'm right because then you'd likely be a person that they'd value in that way and if you're talking about winning a science where it's going to show that you value innovation and the scientific method and the hard work you put into it so simply talking about this experience or contribution is a starting point and then you'll explain what about you that shows it's back to relating to the person you are your character your identity your goals so a reminder in pictures both prongs are about you they want to find out about you they just come up with these General prompt because it's awkward for them to be like right as an essay about you but the first one when you're telling me about your worlds to eventually get to you in the second one the experience or accomplishment to get to you now this goes for any college essay your key strategies include organizing  hopefully it is sort of triangle rectangle  5 sure on this side looks familiar to you  but overall what it represents is that you're going to start with your introduction that will have General opener  I recommended most cases you start with a description or story I read somewhere that most admissions people spend a minute and a half reading a college essay so you want to make sure he brought their attention at the beginning then once you get to the end of your introduction you'll have some sort of piece of statement just like in normal high school essays and Sissy statement should answer the prompt about you and tell us how and we'll talk about that more on the next slide and then you'll have some number of body pair find me definitely don't want to look for a certain number of sentences per paragraph but you want a group like ideas and use your paragraph breaks indicate either nuances and meaning or key steps in development or something like that and your conclusion often is going look to the Future which makes a lot of sense for your college essays because it gives you perhaps a chance to discuss how best thing about you that you told us is going to apply to Future you some of the best next  more grace simply because they broke the rules I've giving you a structure for college essays because can you feel completely lost and it's a great structure and you can return that structure and it can help you but if you have some sort of vision that does not work without structure go with that Vision just remember that it's a wrist and asks that you should make sure someone else reads it over you want to make sure that you are avoiding cliches or really gimmicky essays so please don't write the recipe to make you don't include I need dictionary definition but if having  three fourths of your entire essay yes story and you somehow bring the meaning to that and tell us how it highlights something about you works for you then do that hey by no means you have to stick to the structure really great writing this learning the rules of writing so that you can figure out best plants to bend and break them doctor thesis statements on the left wing plus we have a weak thesis statement my father made me the person I am today it's a weak thesis statement because it doesn't tell us anything really pretty anyone could say that even if their father have not been part of their life because then his mere absence would have influenced them in some way so want to answer how  a stronger thesis statement would be by persevering even in the most difficult times my father showed me the type of man I want to be I'm hard-working and patience even in moments of Crisis this is stronger because it answers how first it answers how his father influence was him what kind of defining the character of his father and then answer his how he wants to be by defining his Bulls his value we already know so much more about the person who wrote the strong thesis we can almost not physically picture and but we feel like we know him better you know what he values sort of pieces you want to go for and then the next key strategy is to show and tell that's my way of talking about concrete details and common hopefully you're familiar with those terms CDs and CM but if not showing **** so the show where to hear thesis is the evidence or concrete detail Park really it's going to be stories about your life you're going to describe a moment where your father persevered and then describe a moment where you did and that part I want you to really think about what makes you like stories when you're reading stories what interest you generally like sores that we can picture that have a lot of vivid imagery we like stories where we can sympathize route for the protagonist so you certainly want us to do that for you I'm so how can you bring that to the story and then you're going to tell us about it so this is the interpretation or the commentary it's as if the show is bringing a quotation from a book and the tell if your analysis of it but in whatever using the book The text is your life which is nice because you're hopefully quite an expert on that so then you're going to analyze the story you just told what does the story or description tell us about you does it show as a lesson you learned visit show us some values you hold as it shows qualities you have and then Paris together you pretty much have your essay  so when you tell your story when you're doing the show you want to put on a good show so worked really hard to make the varsity basketball team is not a good show I don't know what working really hard even means to you mom and I'm not sharing it I'm not with you so a stronger show would be something like this I know nothing about sports I totally just made this up  when I didn't make the varsity basketball team my junior year I was determined to prove myself I remember waking up at 5 each day to make auction morning practices fighting both my fatigue and my feelings of discouragement as we ran laps the drilling most dreaded I would constantly push myself to run faster to pass the player in front of me and then the next until one day I finished first like look at that like when the person is running at the end it's like we're running with them like you can do this you can do this we were I mean  I find this we were ready for that person you want to make them root for you same way and including those details giving them the images waking up at 5 in the morning like at 1 can sympathize with that we hate waking up early that's going to you  you have a face to your essay that's going to make them see you  the man once you have the good show and I just set the story I wrote on the left there you're going to have a strong tell about it you're going to tell us what that means for you so after I made the varsity team I realize that with work I could have chewed my balls while I may not initially stand out as the strongest player the smartest student I can and will develop my strength and improve in my areas of weakness by making soccer is putting an extra time keeping a positive attitude and setbacks and setting reasonable short-term goals for myself the last time I learned from basketball applies to all areas of my life the best way to face the challenges with consistent effort and unwavering determination so here I'm simply analyzing the information I gave in the show right it says that I'm going to make sacrifices the person sacrifice their time I mean sacrifice sleep for their practices putting an X what time is optional practices putting in a keeping a positive attitude they fought their feelings of discouragement setting reasonable short-term goals Apple running trying to pass one additional person so I'm analyzing what each of those Matt write the essays not about basketball sure basketballs the top but it's about you so then in my tell I make it about more than basketball write the lesson I learned from Basketball Wives to all areas of my life and then really I get the core of this writer's body system  okay as is pretty much the end but I've included too play some dance just because people like to read them  so do proof read your essays aloud this is kind of help you catch words that heat on it all help you make sure that it flows nicely everytime I give this presentation I hear the word make a lot in my example and makes not a strong verb so I would fix that do also ask a friend's teacher-parent counselor or menswear to read edit your essays and you want someone that's been at it for more than grammar I mean sure everything for grammar is important but you want someone who knows you and he will say there's a might not represent the best parts of you because you want to make sure that you're selling yourself doesn't sound right but you want to make sure that you're showing the best of don't make your essay sound as if you ate a thesaurus but they want to recruit students to their school not these like poly Slovak robots so now is certainly not the time to try out new words and terms of formality your essay should probably be a little less for been as you write for class or at least then the expected formality of essays you write for class not quite personal not quite talking to a friend but that just slightly polish because they want to hear your voice right but II lights at they're looking for your individual voice now is not the time to pretend you're someone you're not  do write a positive honest as a focused on who you are he Parts here honest don't lie in your essay but also positive many of you have had really sad things ha many of you have made mistakes you can absolutely talk about those but then it's your responsibility to not necessary just put a positive spin but talk about the positive takeaway how have see you spot experiences strengthens you what lesson did you learn how he developed as an individual you have to take that step don't try to write what you think the admissions committee wants to hear at a likely be cliche and boring so you don't  I'm sure the wait I'm sure the admissions committee if you even picture of them at all isn't as a group of Unique Individuals hoping to be entertained by essays they read but that's what they are there reading tons of essays in there hoping that you'll make them laugh or make them interested so certainly isn't it time to kiss up to the university it's not a time to try and make yourself into what you imagine the university wants I'm generally in job interviews the idea is as you're being interviewed here also interviewing the place of employment to see if it's a good for the person you actually are trying to think of college admissions as the same thing you are going to present yourself  and find you're the right fit  do you establish a clear focus and include examples to support it that's pretty much with this entire presentations about  don't is generalizations to support your thesis again pretty much what this whole thing was about details find the verb make that I used was not energetic so it was an exciting and energetic verbs and details are fun like ice cream don't use passive voice the award was given to me would be much better as I received an award or him better as I turned a reward in part because you want to be the main actor in your life rights in I earned an award you're doing something not just sitting there while someone bestows this award on you  do work towards death rather than Brett and focus on one or two main ideas that you want to play about yourself again review important review in other parts of your application you likely will have absolutely no reason to include your GPA in your essay unless your essays focused on how you improved your GPA from 2.5 3.7 in a year or something like that otherwise they have it if you're talking about volunteering you don't need a paragraph a listing all the places you volunteer she's one key place and talk about it he's done that part already  do make sure that each of your two essays cover two different aspects of your life or character so you know probably don't want to I save both on making the varsity basketball team but also for that one example essay about lumirance it probably wouldn't go well with the essay about the basketball on right they persevered even though they didn't make the varsity team it wouldn't go well with the one about the are there because it was emphasizing his perseverance and the sun's desire to be like that then that's too with the same elements of character try to cover two distinct things about you and lastly don't let this red font or writing task intimidate you you know about yourself you're an expert on yourself so if you're having a hard time getting started there are a few things you can do if you're more of a verbal communicate or see if you can find someone that will interview you arcade students before and then written down key phrases that they said and answered my question and then the student was able to structure essays based on that if or more of a visual or writing person but the formal aspect of these essays is intimidating you and you write notes in class or blog or you send a lot of Facebook messages whatever you do I'm first write it in that format and then clean it up I make it slightly more formal one of the hardest steps is getting started once you get started hopefully it's just a matter of cleaning it up structuring it and you'll be fine so this is the presentation if you have questions you can try to find me a Bishop Montgomery other has the butt